I am burning sage and nagchampa in my home today. I have lit the white candles and poured the water of the Combahee River and spilled the sands of Robbin Island. Today I needed their mojo. I needed something stronger and bigger than me to help me through. I listened to the soft-spoken wisdom of Muhammad Ali. I cried. I breathed. I moved and I prayed. I started with asking the Universe for forgiveness - for me.
This is how I am feeling. It is closer to who I am and a departure from the rage I felt yesterday, when all I wanted to do was invoke the pain of othering onto those who have othered me. I wanted to harm the elusive, "them." "They" with all of "their" backward thinking, "they" with all of "their" segregationist, divisive, controlling hate speech. I wielded the mighty othering sword and saw "them" as my enemy. Yup. I had a moment. It wasn’t cute. It was full of cursing and anger and vitriol. And honestly, I really tried not to care about how venomous the words felt escaping on my loving breath. I knew that the thoughts already invading the sanctity of my mind had poisoned my soul so much so that I had become physically ill. Poison is like that. It is insidious in its reach. Once you poison the well, well… Today, I am better. Today I am being still. I am allowing new conversations and listening with my loving heart. I am not allowing othering, mine or anyone else's to take control.
We are hurting. All of us. Every single last one of us and by us, I don’t just mean the gays, the blacks, the women, the Muslims. I mean all of us. The straights, the whites, the Hispanics, Asians, Indigenous Peoples, the Christians, the Hindus, the Buddhists, the transgender men and women, the gender queer, the bathroom segregationists, the klansmen, the entitled, the one percent, the democrats, republicans, tea partiests, independents, young, old and everything and everyone in between. We are ALL hurting. History has taught us that hurt people, hurt people.
We are all hurting. America, this country is hurting. We have harmed and been harmed. We have hated and been hated. We are hurting. Creating more hurt will only hurt more. Not only those on whom it is imposed, but clearly upon ourselves. I don’t know how to help heal this. I don’t know what the answer is to fixing something that is so horribly broken. We have crippled ourselves and we aren’t even smart enough to know that we are limping along into a battle that we need not fight. We are not each other’s enemies. We are each other’s brothers and sisters created under the same sun. It doesn’t matter what we look like on the outside, or how we love, or how we pray or where we came from. Our ideologies don't even matter. What matters is, that we are. We Are. I AM. All the same. There is no other.
We are Love made manifest beneath all of our wounded selves. We are Love and Light, and even in my deepest anger, I couldn’t deny that truth. It is the very truth that if we would choose to look at and embrace it, would remarkably set us free. We are that Creation. All of us defined by something greater than ourselves. Even if we don’t call it God or Allah, or Elohim, or Jehovah, or Olurun Baba, Brahma, Abba, haShem, Vishnu, El-Shaddai, Adonai, and Oludumare or Love. Even if we are non-believers. Even if we see ourselves as multi-celled organisms, a part of the landscape, we understand that we are a multi-celled organism that is a part of a bigger multi-celled organism. We have to work together. We have to learn to look at one another and see beyond what the eye can see, into the Infinite Divinity of it all. Into the Greatness it was designed to be and then be that; be that part of that which by our very breath, we are ordained to be. One. Just. One. This is what it will take to for us to heal from our hurt, from our fears.
It will take each of us standing in agreement that we are bigger than this. We are all better than who we have allowed ourselves to be. We are who we were ordained at the beginning of time; and this, this isn’t it. Maybe then we can forgive. Forgive ourselves, for forgetting who we are; for uttering the words they and them when we meant we and us; for creating others, when there really was just ourselves; for not being that which we were created to be. Because at the end of the day, we are truly only One body. One big beautiful organism made manifest through another big beautiful and sacred energy.
Perhaps we can forgive ourselves for erring in our human nature and learn from this experience so we can move forward in peace. It isn’t impossible. All things are possible through the christ - that divine, all powerful energy within which strengthens me. I believe this. I know this to be Truth. I am holding myself accountable to be who I AM created to be – Love made manifest. The rest is illusory and limiting. It is not who I AM. I AM endless, boundless, infinite. This othering is nothingness. It is time to let it be.