NAVEL GAZING

So, the holidays have come and gone and we are none of us any worse for the wear. Some of us may be a little stressed about upcoming credit card bills, but for the most part I think we are all good. I know I am. I managed (less by choice than out of necessity) to completely avoid the malls altogether. I mean I did not go near a single one and I feel better for it.

This has been an unusual holiday for me. My car broke down and died two weeks before Christmas. A non-paying client left me without the funds I had budgeted for my vacation to go home and I rapidly watched life as I knew it go into a pre-holiday tailspin. I had a brief pity party then mustered up the courage to tell my friends and family that I was in serious straits. I humbly asked for help, which they generously and blessedly provided.

While I still don't know what is going to happen regarding my transportation back and forth to work - I am still without a car - I sit listening to the roosters crowing outside my birth mom's house in Key West where I spent my very first Christmas with her and my two sisters. Sometimes you just have to let go and let things be what they are. This Christmas, one which was 49 years in the making was what needed to happen more than the car, more than money, more than anything else because we are not promised tomorrow and I can't live with anymore regrets.

In seven months I will be 50 years old. 50. I have done some tremendous things in my life and I am very proud of my accomplishments. I have achieved things many people only dream of and while some are grand and others are quiet little milestones, they are mine and have made me the multi layered individual I am today. I am unique, different, an anomaly and I am finally content to be all of that.

So, when a friend asked today where I was going when I said we needed to see one another soon, I had to admit that I am moving on in my life in ways I could not have imagined a few years back. I had to admit that all of the accomplishments, the loves, the things, the "stuff" were no longer sufficient. I want something more for the second half of my journey.

I desire a life which no longer has me as its center, a life which is without regret, one which makes the most of my skills, talents, gifts, my calling - whatever you want to name it. I choose a life which allows me to be fully who I am with all of my quirks, my brilliance, my laughter, my joy and mostly with all of my great big loving heart. After a year and a half of looking inward and finding what has always been there, I want to spend time looking outward and seeing where I can help and be a difference in the world. I AM the change I want to see.

My life has never been linear and now it has even more dimension than it has ever had. Being at least objective enough to know something grand is unfolding, I have seen the unmistakeable signs which tell me I have no clue whatsoever about life. I have been keenly aware that I am (as we all are) being prepared for whatever it is which will come next. And I am astounded at every turn. I can only think, if this is just the preparation - wow.

I don't know what this journey will bring. Well, I suspect it will bring a lot of joy, but you know what I mean. This is a new year, a new time. And for me as always it will be a year of tremendous change. I hope you will continue to look to these pages for moments of inspiration, hope, love, joy and triumphs because I plan to write about them as I find them along my travels.

As always, I wish you well on your own journey towards self understanding. Take some time in your life to do your own omphaloskepsis. You'll be surprised at what you find. 

Navel gazing. The view is amazing.

Robin G. White is an award-winning author, poet, playwright, performer and publisher who likes the letter P. You can find out more about Robin at http://www.robingwhite.com/ and about her family's  non-profit organization, We Can We Care, Inc. at www.wix.com/sunsetpointe/wecanwecare


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